Cure for the Rotten Kiss

(FeatureSource) Do you want more excitement out of life? More romance, more intimacy, more passion? Then master the art of kissing.

“The true, initial beginning of intimacy is the kiss,” says Dr. Ruth McConnell, sex therapist and author of “The Kissing Cure” (Graphic Management Press, $22.95 at www.thekissingcure.com). “If the kissing is bad, typically a lot of other things—like caring, closeness, sensitivity and esteem—are lackluster as well.”

A well-known psychologist and historian, Dr. McConnell has spent over 40 years studying techniques couples can use to improve intimacy and maintain strong relationships. For those who wrangle with intimacy issues, she recommends focusing on increasing awareness and concern for your partner as well as improving kissing techniques.

To get you started in the right direction, Dr. McConnell shares ten principles guaranteed to kick-start kisses and reignite intimacy in any relationship.

	Be aware of yourself and of your partner. Don’t try to overwhelm or take over. Just be there, even and balanced, enjoying the experience.
	Experience an equal meeting between two people. There is no need for either one to dominate. Save your strength for the good things. This may feel awkward at first, but remember when learning anything new, it is strange in the beginning.
	Appreciate and be where you are. Avoid trying to make plans for what comes next. Warm, caring feelings for your partner and yourself are natural at this point. This is it for now, so make it excellent just the way it is.
	Let it happen. It will. It is amazing how the good feelings happen when you just let them. The feeling of giving to the other, the feel of being with but not consumed by the other will happen when you just let it. By the time we get to be adults, we sometimes have forgotten what truth and comfort are and how easy it is to do good things.
	Have the desire to kiss and be close. This one can be tough. If it gets scary at this point, just slow down and let the fear subside and then try again, very slowly.
	Agree on what the two of you like. After agreeing on what the two of you like—do it. Do not forget to do it. This is not being redundant here, just being clear.
	Once you get the hang of doing it right, do it often and for long periods of time. Enough said.
	Be aware of comfort zones for yourself and for your partner. If either of you are experiencing discomfort, then do something about it. Speak out. Hold your own and don’t let anything intimidate you into tolerating displeasure.
	Meet in a loving space. Do not invade. Always proceed with mutual respect, mutual desire and mutual passion. This will lead you to mutual satisfaction.
	When kissing, try to kiss for at least fifteen minutes. Try kissing in the kitchen, living room, car and attic. Kiss on your couch, chair, and yes, the bed, hot tub or any convenient place.

“Take your time,” says Dr. McConnell. “Pay attention to your feelings and to your partner’s response. Eventually, the kissing will improve and intimacy levels will increase. Start today. Grab your partner, wrap yourselves together, get settled in and go for it!

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